I’m so mad, no make that pissed. I’m pissed off that at 37 years old I was diagnosed with stage IV incurable cancer. Fought it, went through 6 months of treatment and had an organ removed and though that left me immunocompromised and still living with stage IV cancer...it’s just that, I am STILL LIVING.
Up until a week or so ago I was living my best life, in spite of my cancer I was doing ALL THE THINGS. We were taking family vacations, exploring NYC as much as possible, and even took a trip to Paris. I was crossing off all the things on my bucket list because one thing cancer taught me is that I need to live because tomorrow is not promised. Not for any of us.
I thought I was mad before. I was mad that I was diagnosed, mad that I had to go through treatment and mad that my kids had to live for months with the fear and uncertainty that a cancer diagnosis brings to a family. After 6 months of treatment and one surgery my doctor told me we could move into “Watch and wait”. This means the cancer is no longer actively causing symptoms, so we do nothing...we just carefully monitor and we wait.
Watch and wait.
We made it through to a new normal. We found our new normal and grew to be comfortable again in that place. Sure, life was different and I still had to be careful not to get sick, still had to see my oncologist every three months to check and see if the cancer was active again, but all of this seemed like nothing in comparison to the unknowns during my 6 months in treatment.
We are the Mac Family...and we are strong.
Then the New year rolls in and we are all committed to this new year being a new chapter for our family in our new normal life. And then comes the corona virus. For months our family has been watching the news, holding our breathe for what we know is coming. Watch and wait. Maybe it will be nothing. Maybe it will never come to the US. Maybe it will never reach NYC.
We watch and wait......But then it does. It’s in NY. In NYC. My city.
People on social media are making fun of others for “overreacting” for buying supplies, buying food, sanitizer. You are making fun of me, of my family. For 80% of the population this virus will be an ugly cold, or a worst a nasty flu...but for those of us who are immunocompromised or among the aging population this virus could be much much worse. For us, if we are very lucky, we get that ugly cold or that nasty flu. If we are less fortunate we end up in critical care, possibly on a ventilator. Worst of all, we die. Statistics show that “people at higher risk” are twice as likely likely to end up in critical care.
I have spent the last year religiously sanitizing, and washing my hands as I LIVE and check off boxes on my bucket list. I already had a small stockpile of sanitizer in my home because of the regularity in which I was already using it. In fact, I love sanitizer so much that my kids all bought me sanitizer for my birthday this year and I was ecstatic. That said, when the Coronavirus hit Washington state, I knew it was coming. I knew that in the coming days, weeks, and months that I and everyone in my household would need to up our sanitizer/hand washing regime. If you know me you might wonder if that would even be possible, but it is because we did.
When it hit NYC, my first instinct was to run for the hills. Find someplace far away and bunker down and hide until it is all over. But then logic creeps in. Where will you go? How will you get there? How do you know it won’t come there too? Where’s the closest hospital? When you have no spleen, knowing how far you are from the closest emergency room at any given time is critical. Then I remembered, I live in NYC. I have access to the best of the best doctors in the country, and maybe even the world. Right here, right down the street. They know me. They know my history and how to treat me. If anyone can figure this virus out, it is the doctors in NYC.
Running away was not an option, but if There is anything being an Army spouse has taught me over the last 18 years, it is that you should hope for the best and expect the worst you will always be prepared for whatever happens. So we prepared for the worst. We bought toilet paper, Lysol, cleaning wipes, canned goods, medications and all the things we could think of that we could possibly need whatever the outcome that may come. And I’m not sorry. For our family, the stakes are high, but we are prepared. We are watching the news and waiting for what may come.
We watch and wait.
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